Overcoming my strugglesMar 05, 2020
Overcoming struggles makes me more resilient.
I remembered in Vietnam when I was in elementary school, maybe in third grade, my teacher called on me to stand up and read, I froze and saw all eyes on me. I was clueless on many things. I was behind on many subjects. I didn’t know how to read, do arithmetic or write like other kids in my class. I would stumble on almost every word on the page. The whole time standing there with shame and embarrassment, I felt like I was on my death sentence. I was petrified. After that, I ended up quitting school and wandering around the farmer market until school was over so that my mom wouldn’t know.
As time passed when all my neighborhood friends were in school, I was all alone. When I saw them walking in groups giggling and laughing to school, I wished I was as good as them and joined them to school. I was really sad.
Overtime after the Vietnam war, foods and other resources became scarce . I become the care taker of my younger siblings while my parents were away making a living. I had tried to fit the role model as expected out of me. I was about maybe nine years old. I attended my younger siblings. I cooked and cleaned the house, I did everything a parent would do except making a living. The more I tried, the more frustration I got because I could never get it right. My mother constantly yelled and scolded at me. I began to feel inadequate. Fear come in. Fear gave births to other forms such as frustration, irritation, anger, defense and blaming.
When my whole family escaped Vietnam and reunited in America in 1982, I was required by law to go to school. I was about twelve years old. I was put in a class of seven graders without a solid fundamental of education. Luckily, everyone in my class didn’t know English nor math. We looked lost. We were in ESL (English as a second language) class, We started with the basics, alphabets and numbers. I felt comfortable in school for the first time. The teachers wouldn’t call on me unless I raised my hands. I worked real hard at studying. I slowly taught myself to read Vietnamese Dictionary enough where I could cross check English Dictionary for its meaning. I managed to graduate middle school, high school and college.
I got married, had a good business and two wonderful kids. Unfortunately, my marriage ended in 2006. I took my two young children, nine and ten and moved to California from Ohio.
In 2008, I lost my all earnings to real estate investment. I was deep in finance problems, with $20,000 in credit card debt and over $100,000 in family loans. Fear creeped in even stronger. Thinking of my young children who need me to support them, I picked myself up and kept moving.
When in social gathering, I pretended things were fine but from the inside, I felt sick to my stomach. Truth couldn't be hidden long because it started eating me alive. I turned to self-help.
In 2013, after a lot of self-reflecting and internal healings, I had a breakthrough that shift my whole existence. I became more loving, patient and understanding.
Since then, I have continued to have breakthroughs in many aspects of my life. I am more connected with who I really am. I have clarity in my path and passion.
My relationship with myself, my kids and others are stronger. My daughter and son are done with college and working. I am in a better place. I am continuously growing, transforming, transitioning and transcending.
Love and Peace